How the Slutty Pumpkin Became 12 Years Married Pumpkin

“I have a great costume idea!”
“Oh yeah? Are you going to go as the guy who doesn’t wear a Halloween costume again?”
“Nope!”
“Well, what is it?”
“It’s a surprise!”

For the record, I don’t really like surprises. If you have a surprise for me, don’t tell me about it. They make me anxious. I know, I know. Everything makes me anxious. But surprises make me anxious and then kind of angry because I don’t know something. I like to know things.

And so, we came into mid-October and I still had no idea what my husband’s great idea was for a Halloween costume. So, I started looking for my own. I sat next to my husband on the couch during a football game and scrolled the options.

We quickly ruled out a unicorn because of the phallic like nature of the beast. I didn’t feel like shelling out the cash for A League of Their Own costumes even though it’s my most favorite movie in the Universe. I moseyed through the women’s section of costumers and lamented the fact that everything is skimpified for women.

“Oh, look! There’s even a Slutty Pumpkin. OH WAIT! I could be the Slutty Pumpkin and you could be a Hanging Chad!”

If you didn’t watch How I Met Your Mother, I probably need to explain..

Slutty Pumpkin and Hanging Chad

Season 1, Episode 6 of How I Met Your Mother is entitled “Slutty Pumpkin.” It aired on October 24, 2005. We probably watched it live that day as I was on bed rest near the end of my pregnancy with BigBrother. We adored the show early on and watched it through the end even though we usually give up on shows before the series finale.

The premise of the episode is that Ted Mosby is going to the annual Halloween party dressed as a Hanging Chad, referencing the 2000 election, yet again, because that’s what he met the “Slutty Pumpkin” in that night. Slutty Pumpkin is none other than Katie Holmes. You can read more about the “Slutty Pumpkin” episode here.

Hanging Chad!

ANYWAY, back to my story.

“I could be the Slutty Pumpkin and you could be a Hanging Chad” was met with UTTER SILENCE. My eyes got really big and I turned to face my husband.

“OH MY GOD! That’s IT! I guessed it!”
“It was SUPPOSED to be a surprise!”
“But now we can be a couple costume! YES!”

You see, I’ve always wanted to do couples costumes. But my husband has been a no-go on ANY costumes for the entirety of our relationship. Additionally, we’ve never been invited to a Halloween party, and we were actually hosting one this year. Suddenly I felt excited to wear a skimpy costume for Halloween.

But sometimes life gets busy. Life got busy. I forgot to order a Slutty Pumpkin costume. By the time I ordered my costume, all the short, skimpy pumpkins were gone. All that was left was a giant orange onesie.

So I bought it.

When it arrived, I put it on, texted my friends, and then kept it on for like three hours as it is basically the most comfortable thing in the world. I decided that my costume purchase was actually more fitting than a Slutty Pumpkin because we’ve been married for (almost) twelve years.

Slutty Pumpkin Turns 12 Years Married Pumpkin with Her Hanging Chad

And that’s how Slutty Pumpkin became Married 12 Years Pumpkin with a Hanging Chad on basically the eve of an election doomed to be highly contested no matter which way the cookie crumbles.

Basically we’re the cutest.

Cutest Hanging Chad and Slutty Pumpkin Ever

Oh. And the kids wore costumes too.

Soldier and Kylo Ren

And the dog was Fox & Hound, all at once.

Fox & Hound

The end.

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