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In the Spring or Autumn of Anger

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13 replies on “In the Spring or Autumn of Anger”

This is awful. It’s an awful experience and it’s awful you have to deal with it.

It’s true you have the right to be angry. It’s very strange to be angry and be okay at the same time. Unfortunately it takes a lot of practice, which is very unpleasant. But perhaps more important is the fact that having the right to be angry doesn’t make it feel any better.

In situations where the anger feels all-consuming, like a nuclear bomb going off, there’s little to do beyond sit with it. For dealing with comments like those quoted above, the only balm I have to offer is this:

When hate is spoken like that, it usually says more about how the speaker feels about him/herself than me. While that’s the case about 80%-90% of the time, the remained is typically narcissism. Often malignant narcissism.

While none of this fixes anything, it may help a little in the future. When you’re out of the woods on this experience and can think and see a little clearer, it may be worth practicing these ideas. I’ve found them invaluable in preventing my descent into hate. Instead I’ll detour into rage, but sometimes I luck out and take a turn to “really REALLY pissed off”.

In the meantime, try to be gentle with yourself.

I’d argue the narcissism point on the fact that I am not angry on behalf of what was done or not done to me but on behalf of my daughter and how all of this affects her. The “personal affront” refers to how I’ve worked so damn hard to put it all in line and this one thing could eventually be the undoing of it all. I am angry on her behalf. I understand that any personal feelings I have toward this issue are ridiculous and misplaced, but it still seems shockingly unfair for her.

I may not have been clear enough in my initial comment. What I meant was anyone who can say “I hope every time you look at her, you feel guilt for what you did.” is likely saying more about their own attitudes than anything about you.

I’m sorry for implying that you’re response was/is narcissistic. I had actually intended the opposite.

Well, I feel quite foolish. I thoroughly misunderstood what this post was talking about. Sorry for any confusion, and feel free to ignore pretty much everything I’ve written thus far. I’ll start over now:

I’m sorry you’re dealing with all this. I hope you have the support you need.

I’m so sorry you’re going through so much. I hope too, that this is the autumn and that the spring of healing comes soon for both of you.

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